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Big Soggy Sports - Valentines
Valentine's Day Sucks

Does Valentine's Day suck? Of course it does. Below are the Current and past Top Ten Reasons that it sucks.

Current

1994|1995|1996|1997|1998

1999|2000|2001|2002|2003

2004|2005|2006|2007|2008

2009|2010|2011|2012|2013


Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2009 (Seattle)

  • 10. Store decorations start too early.
  • 09. Football in the Northwest in General.
  • 08. They Stole away the Sonics.
  • 07. I should be talking about a Bronco Championship, but instead I am wondering why they are not fixing the defense.
  • 06. Somehow I still think these are funny, but we all know better.
  • 05. I can't get close to the girls I like either through their choice or a court order.
  • 04. What I call "Checking Up on" is somehow termed "STalking" by everyone else.
  • 03. (insert your own useless observation)
  • 02. I am starting to get too tired to do 5 let alone 10.
  • 01. I am just a bad person.
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks (1994) (Arizona)

  • 10. It's February and it's too cold.
  • 9. Women are liars.
  • 8. You can never get anything good enough.
  • 7. If you're not with someone, you are considered gutterscum.
  • 6. Chocolate is bad for you.
  • 5. Flowers have killer pesticides.
  • 4. Red is perceived as an evil color.
  • 3. Women just love to crush men mentally and emotionally on this day.
  • 2. Interferes with hockey and basketball season.
  • 1. Other than some scum criminals getting shot, nothing good has ever happened on this day.
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    Top Ten More Reasons Valentines Day Bites (1995) (Arizona)

  • 10. Wounds from Cupids arrow tend to get infected and cause gangrene.
  • 9. Interrupts sweeps month on TV.
  • 8. TV specials just don't seem to have the same gooey sappiness they use to for this day.
  • 7. Can never find a card that says 'Oh, by the way, BITE ME!'
  • 6. People are getting all excited even though pitchers and catchers don't report for Spring Training for two more weeks.
  • 5. The original St. Valentine was secretly a womanizing drunkard.
  • 4. It's February in Arizona and it's already 105 in the shade.
  • 3. The more you see it, the more you realize that red is the color of Satan, Lord Of Evil.
  • 2. This entire idea was dreamed up by the floral industry trying to dump product in a hard-to-grow month.
  • 1. Every piece of chocolate is one step closer to death by sugar rush.
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks '96 (Arizona)

  • 10. Red = Blood = what happens when women stab you in the back.
  • 9. All the 'Hate Mail' cards are sold out for New Years.
  • 8. Takes away from the pageantry that is Presidents' Day.
  • 7. "Single on Valentine's Day" still not a legal defense for opening fire with an Uzi in a crowded bar.
  • 6. Cupid, Messenger of Love? More like Messenger of Coronaries and Brain Aneurysms.
  • 5. Tends to produce the goofiest half time and intermission shows possible.
  • 4. No matter how much you plan and put into it, it will never be enough.
  • 3. The jewelry, candy and floral industries are all partners in an evil pact to destroy men.
  • 2. Valentine is ancient Latin word mixed with Greek that means "to hunt down, destroy and humiliate".
  • 1. Because Love is like a bad magician, It looks cool at first but then you realize it's just an illusion that makes you feel stupid.
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks 1997 (Arizona)

  • 10. Every sitcom does a cheesy Valentines show.
  • 9. Every drama show does a sappy Valentines show.
  • 8. Every local news show does crappy Valentines ideas.
  • 7. If you don't go broke buying a present, you're not doing it right.
  • 6. Flowers, like relationships tend to wither and die in a few weeks.
  • 5. On this day in the South, unattached people are fair game for hunting.
  • 4. It's a well-known fact that card companies that created Valentines Day were founded by minions of Satan.
  • 3. Valentines candy? Addictive as crack cocaine.
  • 2. Candlelight dinners and romantic settings? Nothing but a prelude to public humiliation.
  • 1. Money spent on presents and dinner could go towards better things, like playoff tickets.
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks 1998 (Seattle)

  • 10. My address does not end with Issaquah, Bellevue or Island.
  • 9. Kemp won't play with the Sonics, so what's the point?
  • 8. Husky Apple Cup disaster still lingering.
  • 7. If you're not in some band or shooting smack, chicks ignore you.
  • 6. If your first name is Bill, but the last name isn't Gates, you suck.
  • 5. Mariner playoff disaster still lingering.
  • 4. The constant rain contributes to depression and suicide, but I'm not that much of a self-starter.
  • 3. My coffee intake is not enough to stay awake for three straight days.
  • 2. Seahawk season disaster still lingering.
  • 1. It's Seattle and its raining the entire time.

  • Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks 1999 (Seattle)

  • 10. Bobby Ayala is still a Mariner.
  • 9. Just extends the crappy holiday season ever longer for singles.
  • 8. Courteney Cox is getting married.
  • 7. Hallmark is an ancient translation for Satanic Minion.
  • 6. No NBA All-Star Game (This might actually be a good thing)
  • 5. The only man in history to do this day right: Al Capone.
  • 4. Two Words: Restraining Order.
  • 3. Because women like to rip out your heart and laugh at you while you die inside.
  • 2. Because my occupation is not exciting enough to the opposite sex.
  • 1. Two more words: Attitude Problem
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks 2000 (Seattle)

  • 10. Griffey wants out so why get excited?
  • 9. Bronco season was a disaster.
  • 8. Same as predicted Y2K catastrophes. Whole lotta hype for a whole lotta nothing.
  • 7. Because Love is like shopping downtown during WTO. Starts simple enough but ends with a severe beating to the head.
  • 6. Year ends in 0, just like my love life.
  • 5. No responses to Thanksgiving invites.
  • 4. NBA brought back the loser idea of the Slam Dunk contest.
  • 3. We think this is a new millennium and century, but technically we're still sucking our load in the old one till 2001.
  • 2. 'Go To Hell' cards just not available.
  • 1. Three Words: Continuing Attitude Problem
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    Top Ten Reasons Valentines Day Sucks 2001 (Seattle)

  • 10. A-Rod dumped on the Mariners.
  • 9. Courteney Cox still married to that idiot.
  • 8. Despite best efforts, this holiday still not banned for life. (Mostly due to Florida recounts)
  • 7. Ain't got no job.
  • 6. Couldn't get to NHL All-Star weekend.
  • 5. That movie 'Valentine'? Had the right idea, kill'em all.
  • 4. New century, New millennium, but same old outlook and results.
  • 3. Just like 'Survivor', you get voted out of the relationship if you make the wrong move.
  • 2. FTD still doesn't have 'Bite My Ass' bouquet.
  • 1. You want a 'reality show'? How about 'Life Sucks, Then You Die!'
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2002 (Seattle)

  • 10. Still bitter about Mariner playoff loss.
  • 9. Missed Christmas party.
  • 8. F'ing housing costs.
  • 7. Proliferation of no-talent ass clowns.
  • 6. The Internet is not my friend.
  • 5. Bronco season in the tank.
  • 4. Because Love is happy bunnies, playing in the field, then the predators show up and rip them to shreds.
  • 3. Lost the Playoff pool
  • 2. SE Gone.
  • 1. Past year just sucked in general.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2003 (Seattle)

  • 10. I now live in Kent.
  • 9. Too many funerals in past 18 months.
  • 8. The massive Couging in the Apple Cup.
  • 7. The fact the Broncos play for crap on National TV.
  • 6. By buying a house, its just one more thing that girls hate about me.
  • 5. Plane ticket nonsense.
  • 4. My website blows and no one wants to play the pools.
  • 3. Pac 10 gaspiping in the bowls.
  • 2. Still bitter about haircut.
  • 1. I stil have to do this list every year.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2004 (Seattle)

  • 10. F'ing job moved to Hell (Arizona).
  • 9. Actually attended and witnessed massive Couging in Apple Cup.
  • 8. Way too much hype on LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony.
  • 7. Courteney Cox now pregnant by No Talent Ass-clown.
  • 6. BITS project ripped away.
  • 5. Could not Successfully defend Big Soggy titles.
  • 4. That Janet Jackson thing got way too much attention.
  • 3. Go back and reread #10.
  • 2. Thought I was Bitter and Angry. Found out that I still had more levels to go.
  • 1. Still out here Lone Rangering it.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2005 (Seattle)

  • 10. Girls at Hoooters still seem to ignore me.
  • 9. This close to losing my house.
  • 8. Fantasy season went into the tank - no, wait that actually went well.
  • 7. Husky season utter fiasco.
  • 6. Mariner season really total disaster.
  • 5. F'ing job went away and never came back.
  • 4. Car acting up really cost me.
  • 3. Football picks (Pro and College) complete disaster.
  • 2. Red Sox won World Series, so now they'll be cocky bastards for years.
  • 1. Can't get arrested, let alone hired in this town.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2006 (Seattle)

  • 10. Can't get my website to do exactly what I want.
  • 9. First the Red Sox, now the White Sox. Two teams who haven't won in forever do and now they still whine.
  • 8. Lost the Pro Picks title on last few games of season.
  • 7. Seriously, gonna lose the house.
  • 6. 'Logan's Run' Law not yet enacted.
  • 5. Another year of apparently gaspiping job interviews.
  • 4. 'The Game' made me realize what a complete loss I really am.
  • 3. Bronco AFC Title disaster.
  • 2. Bitches still be liars.
  • 1. Frickin' rain is endless as all get out.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2007 (Seattle)

  • 10. I became the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals of the pro picks this year.
  • 9. Bronco stretch drive blows playoff chance.
  • 8. Sweating bullets about my gig.
  • 7. My trip to Vegas is in my closet disguised as A water heater.
  • 6. We got the Weather We Deserve and then some.
  • 5. Everyone treated the wind storm and snowfall as sign of the apocalypse.
  • 4. Everything I touch somehow goes in the tank.
  • 3. Just as I thought I got ahead, tax man bit me in the ass.
  • 2. Dumping site due to accusations and complaints.
  • 1. be, bitches, liars, still. There's the words, you do the math.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2008 (Seattle)

  • 10. Chose to go to Vegas in the middle of the blazing heat.
  • 09. Went to Apple Cup populated by ass clowns and JOs.
  • 08. Still cant seem to get ahead of the game.
  • 07. Could not successfully defend Picks title.
  • 06. Another flippin' disastrous Bronco season.
  • 05. LSU wins the Title? no wait, that's a good thing, I won some money.
  • 04. Ohio State in the title game? Keeping a tradition of Runner-UP in Everything.
  • 03. This list not that much about Valentines in the last few years.
  • 02. I write this nonsense, but you don't see me on strike.
  • 01. Still have empty area between chest and belt.
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    Top Ten Reason Valentines Day Sucks 2009 (Seattle)

  • 10. Store decorations start too early.
  • 09. Football in the Northwest in General.
  • 08. They Stole away the Sonics.
  • 07. I should be talking about a Bronco Championship, but instead I am wondering why they are not fixing the defense.
  • 06. Somehow I still think these are funny, but we all know better.
  • 05. I can't get close to the girls I like either through their choice or a court order.
  • 04. What I call "Checking Up on" is somehow termed "STalking" by everyone else.
  • 03. (insert your own useless observation)
  • 02. I am starting to get too tired to do 5 let alone 10.
  • 01. I am just a bad person.
  • Back